Marriage and Family: One thing marriages need to know in order to make it!October 21, 2015
Over the last several months, we have met many couples, christian couples, church-going couples, hard working couples who are trying to make it. The pain they have shared, the struggles they are facing, the battles they are waging within themselves and in their marriages is intense. We have seen some of them make it and some of them not! We are over-joyed for the ones who do and we are heart-broken over the ones that do not! You might be one of these couples who is in this battle wondering "are we going to make it"? If not you personally, then odds are you know someone who is. We hope this blog, whether for you or someone else (so forward it to them) will cause you to pause, step back and consider what we are about to share. Here is one thing you have to know if your marriages is going to make it!
Marriages is about one another's personal healing.
Maybe this is stating the obvious, maybe you have forgotten this, or maybe you've never thought about it in the context of how this really shows up in your marriage - but you are married to a broken person.
Some of you read this, and thought, you don't have to tell me that...I have a front row, 50 yard line seat everyday on my spouses brokeness. Great, but that's not the point here...the point is what is your response to it? Are you critical, judgmental, sarcastic, bitter and unforgiving? Are you more condemning and punishing with a lack of grace and mercy? Are you always thinking about how their brokenness is impacting you and your happiness instead of seeing how you can walk out life together in the midst of it? I know, you thinking, "but you don't know anything abour my marriage, what I'm facing, what they are doing?" And you are right, I don't! But I also know that scripture says we all stumble in many ways (James 3:2) and there is nothing like marriage that exposes our stumblings, our brokenness and the stuff in our lives that we can't seem to get free from. We're not condoning sin, we're not justifying bad behavior and choices. We're not saying the stuff you are facing isn't wrong, didn't hurt, doesn't take a lot of hard work to over-come. But we are saying that when a married couple views their marriage throught the lenses that their marriage is for them and their needs and their desires, then that marriage is going to struggle and stuggle hard. When our focus in all on the circumstances and situations we are facing, then it is real easy to loose sight of what is really going on and what is really at stake here. When marriages do this (and we did this) manyof these marriages, sadly, many will not make it!
Compared to the couples that see their marriage as the arena that God does his deepest work of transformation. Where couples see their marriage as the place where God will actually grow them, change them and free them from the sin in their lives and marriage that shows up in their unhealthy ways of relating and coping - these marriages make it. Scripture says for us to throw off everything that hinders and sin that entangles, so that we can run the race marked out for us (Heb 12:1) - a race we run everyday in our marriages as we strive to become like Christ in preparation to meet him one day (Rev 19:7).
For this to happen in marriage it takes two people willing to look at themselves first!
These marriages make it because they embrace one another's brokenness and because they are committed to one another's personal healing. They make it because they allow Christ to get right in the center of their personal lives and in their marriage. They make it beacuse they depend deeply upon the life changing power of the Holy Spirit as they give HIM permission to change them. They make it because they make Godly choices. They make it because they are willing to let the Lord go to the deep places in their own souls and heal them. They make it because they are committed to doing the next right thing no matter what their feelings do or do not tell them. They make it becasue their faith is not in their ability but in God's ability. They make it because they are committed to their marriage for "better or for worse". They make it because they face the reality of what they are walking through with grace, mercy and a deep dependence on the power of God. They make it because they ask Christ to give them wisdom and they respond with a relentless commitment to do what HE and HIS word says. They make it because they surround themselves with Godly people and they ask them for help in the days of battle. They make it because they are willing to die to themselves so that Christ might live. They make it because they have figured out that Christ came to bind up the broken-hearted, give us our sight back and set us free. They make it because they fight for their indvidiual freedom and healing and they fight for one another's healing and freedom. The result is they are actually fighting for their marriage which means they are going to make it!
How about you? Which of these things are you doing to make it? What needs to change in your life RIGHT NOW so that your marriage can make it? If you want to start the process, get a copy of our Let's Get Real Couple Kit and walk through the study together with your spouse, even get together with some other couples.
We know this, God's ways ALWAYS work. When both of you choose HIM, HIS WORD and HIS WAYS - you will make it!(Make sure you register to receive our blogs directly to your inbox by clicking here)
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